Some time back, I was in a car with someone who is now a very very good friend of mine. I met him at the company I was interning for and he was from one of their vendor firms. He had to answer a phonecall and he happened to say 'Oh, I was just with a friend blahblah'. So I looked at him and shook my head, 'We're not friends.' He was wise enough to laugh and tell the person on the other end, 'Okay, I'm sorry. I'm with...' I wasn't a collegue. I wasn't friend. What was I? '...this person'.
I owe this man for teaching me something so important :
There are these tags that go with the items we try to box like 'Friend' or 'Family' or 'Spouse' and so on. The most common mistake is trying to push people into boxes they don't necessarily fit in. So, we thrust them into a carton they don't want to be in, and force them to conform to that shape.
I have so many relationships I choose not to label. I have learnt to 'let things be'. A person I've just only met, cannot be a 'friend' can he? But, I feel such a strong connection to him. But, we don't want to date. So, he's not even a 'boyfriend'. A girl who I really admire, meet at parties but don't socially interact with so much. I just respect her personality. We smile at each other. Who is she to me? She's not a friend, she's not even so much as an acquaintance.
So, then? Let-it-be. It's okay. I'm not answerable to anybody regarding my relationship with them.
This is not to say that clarity is bad. I also like filling my boxes and being certain. But, if I'm not sure where someone goes, it's okay. They can get their very own unlabelled box :)
And as a result I have these people walking outside their boxes, outside of limitation and I absolutely love them for it. Part of what makes my life easy, and in a strange way complicated at the same time.
If there is one thing you can do for your loved ones, is to unlock their cases and let them get a breath of fresh air. No need to limit your relationship to just 'friendship' or just 'collegue'. The reason is, that every box has rules. And if you're in 'A' you have no right to ask me what size bra I wear. If you're in 'B' you cannot hug me. But, you're out now. Let's play ball. Let's have a drink together. It's looking at them like an individual. At their qualities, and at their unique traits and celebrating them.
Please, I'm not pushing for people to give up their boundaries altogether, boundaries are important, let's keep STDs to a minimum ;)
I'm only urging you to look at every person differently and treat them according to their unique rapport with you whatever that is. Dynamic rules.
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8 comments:
Hey Duh-ara, Great piece! Woman, you CAN write really well. You bring your 'unique'-ness into your writings and retain your sense of humor. I totally love your blog. :))
Hmmm....now may I ask if I am 'boxed' or 'unboxed'? ;) and if 'boxed', is my box a pretty one?? :))
Awwww I love compliments!
Well, I cant put you in the roommate category, cuz we were apartment mates. But, you were so clean and organized...it's not normal ;-)
No friend category, you were more like wise, older sister. And there's only one of you. I hope you're not too lonely in your box!
Nah, Im quite happy for now. Thank you - Im honored! But when I meet 'him', can he join me in my box? Please, please, please....;)
We are SO telepathic. I almost added that to my last comment that your space will be 'Varsha and Guest' but I didnt, cause I didn't want to pressure :)
Also, let me tell you the temperatures will be freezing, just as you like it!
hahahahaha....that's so freaking true. You know what, just a slight difference, sometimes I let it be and sometimes just let go the moment they try to classify themselves.
This is a complete first for me, from the way you write I get the feeling that we are so definitely unlike each other in the way we think/do but I still like what I read.
Haha, then I guess I AM a good writer ;)
hehe, you most definitely are and I have managed to spend my entire afternoon not working in office.
No, no that's a compliment.
Cheers!
You're welcome...to the lazyass club, that is! ;)
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