Grow up. It's not so bad.

Case 1: My father loves my mother. He has to throw her a 'surprise' birthday party every year--the only surprise being his style of announcing it. So one year it was rose petals. He refrigerated fresh roses till midnite and finally, when ma was asleep, carefully got the petals out into a bowl. We were in charge of cake and some surprise visitors. Bang 12 am (or pm depending how you look at it) everyone made noise to wake her up and papa very enthusiastically showered her with rose petals as she was getting up from the bed. She smiled at all of us and then suddenly remembering something, "Stop! Stop!! What are you doing?! We need to pick up the rose petals, they'll stain the tiles!" And, then everybody putting everything aside picked up the scattered flower remains grumbling.

Case 2: An old childhood friend suddenly calls me to announce, after three years, that she is going to be in Houston the very next day and will spend three days with me. "Tomorrow? Tomorrow?! Oh my god, I have to do laundry, vacuum, tidy up the apartment...not to mention shaving, waxing, plucking!"

It wasn't always like this was it? There was a time when we felt pure joy at these events, untainted by the miles-to-go-before-I-sleep tension. This is what decides the boundary between childhood and maturity, not age.

Before I get all the holier-than-thou comments on 'enjoy the moment' , 'live in the now', I want to clarify that I am not saying that this is a bad thing. With adulthood comes responsibility and with responsibility comes tension and this is how normal, non-Himalayan humans function. Osho ashram folks are calm and peaceful because they have nothing to do except sing songs, and meditate. In the real world, the world of Karma & Coffee, it's okay to frown.

If I was 6 and knew I had to clean up after my party, maybe I wouldn't spill so much. If my parents were filthy rich and I had a 24/7 array of maids, cooks, drivers, beauticians, cleaner-uppers, maybe I'd feel only happiness at my friends' impending arrivals. Its the state-of-moderation that we struggle to be in. Not toooo much fretting, not tooooo much enthusiasm.

Who says adults don't feel happiness? I do not agree with books that proclaim we need to go back to our childhood innocence, unlearn the lessons we learnt and experience true elation. Blah! As an adult, I have felt happiness for things I wouldn't notice as a child. If a car slows down to let me switch lanes, I am thrilled. I still want gold stars and smiley faces from my boss. Fresh hot coffee in the pot makes me smile. Reaching the light as it turns green, finding a parking spot on a busy day, don't tell me that doesn't make you jump a little inside.

A confession: I started this blog with the exact opposite intention. Of telling you to 'live in the now' and 'enjoy the moment' :) But, I changed my mind midway. There is too much pressure to live in the moment anyway. Nobody tells yu how much trouble you fall in, when you live in the big 'now' too much.

This or that? This AND that.

So, I was in midair for a long time deciding whether or not I wanted to do Phd or if I wanted to start hunting for jobs. After a lot of back and forth, I picked the latter. It was a scary thing to do, because now I AM in midair literally, and its probably the most adventurous thing I've ever done: stepping out of the comfort zone. Regardless, I gotta say, what a relief! Because, even if I was picking a temp life of uncertainty, in that I was certain.

It hit me today, while driving, how much it is in my very being, to postpone decisions. I was following the signs to get home and I realized that by default I aways pick the optional exit lane (white arrow, not the yellow), so I get until the last minute to change my mind. When I visit places, I overpack not so much because of paranoia but because I want the pleasure of the act of choosing what I am wearing. I take way longer than the average American for grocery-shopping: 'What brand of oats do I really want, and what flavor?'.

Men, movies, chips, clothes
Multiple choice, true/false... false is pronounced 'folse' just so it rhymes with clothes :)

So, too much caffeine-free analysis later (I remind you, I am jobless), this is where I stand: Love being certain, (but) hate making decisions. Dammit.

..tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock....

Doctors know that time heals. Engineers know that time destroys.

Timing is so important in relationships. Close friendships have crumbled because one of us waited too long--to say hi, to say we're sorry, to say I need you.

A few recent incidents made me extremely aware of this concept. Minor mishaps that could be fixed, the route was extremely clear for both parties. But, we waited too long. We waited to run into each other at common events, we waited till geography worked in our favor, we waited till it was so convenient that it was harder to avoid.
"Oh hello! Long time, what are you doing here!!"
"Yes, I'm back. I wasn't gone too long was I? Now let's talk."

It doesn't work that way though. The time bomb just goes off and the bell rings and anything after that for some reason only makes things worse. Then, you can allow time to heal. But, time heals, time doesn't fix.

We're all human and we're all friends. And in friendship, so many lines are frequently crossed. The best thing about friendship is that the same rules that apply for other people do not apply to you. You're allowed special priveleges: you can wake me up at 4am and I won't kill you, you can tell me I cook bad, you can tell me my boobs are too small, and most especially, you will be forgiven for (almost) everything way too easily.

And yet, we use the Doctor viewpoint. We wait for Mr. Time to make things better so we don't have to use a high dose. Why don't I clean up the wound when its fresh? There is something that makes it so difficult for me to say the words 'Sorry. I was wrong.' and I think blaming the ego for yet another flaw is way too easy. It all comes down to choices. What is more important-this or that? And we chose 'that'.

Enter the good ol' Engineers.
'We know that':
Too much time = too much wear-and-tear,
also, Drift α Time.

We don't have our own tv show, we don't look sexy in our Fall Collection of Industrial Factory Wear, we get dark circles when we work nights, and we look out of place drinking fancy-colored cocktails. But, we fix things as soon as they break. Pick us.

Reporting Live...

You know how they say that media and news and movies represent the current state of the affairs, a reflection on society so to speak. I just found another brand new, untainted source yesterday: kids! When they're playing their games, kids are the truest representation of the adult life. And lately, with this new extra-smart, technologically-enhanced generation, their outlook on adult life is not just confined to what they see their parents doing, it also includes television shows, aunts and uncles, friends...

If you're observant enough, you will see how they spoof grownups in their own naive way. Several years ago, my little sister would try to be my mom and it was adorable to watch her tiny arms and legs multitask--phone, rubbing her daughter's legs, and browsing through a magazine at the same time.

And yesterday, I was hit by the latest in evolution. My nephew and niece were playing house, and they were mom-and-dad to a whole collection of teddy bears. One day, a parent had to stay home with the babies. And as Mom ran off, Dad protested, "But, I want to go to the party with you!" She angrily came back and told him "I will not play with you. Stay here and read them a book." She threw a book at him and ran off again to the other room to do better things. And Dad had to stay home and read to the kids.

So, what's the story where you are?