Grow up. It's not so bad.

Case 1: My father loves my mother. He has to throw her a 'surprise' birthday party every year--the only surprise being his style of announcing it. So one year it was rose petals. He refrigerated fresh roses till midnite and finally, when ma was asleep, carefully got the petals out into a bowl. We were in charge of cake and some surprise visitors. Bang 12 am (or pm depending how you look at it) everyone made noise to wake her up and papa very enthusiastically showered her with rose petals as she was getting up from the bed. She smiled at all of us and then suddenly remembering something, "Stop! Stop!! What are you doing?! We need to pick up the rose petals, they'll stain the tiles!" And, then everybody putting everything aside picked up the scattered flower remains grumbling.

Case 2: An old childhood friend suddenly calls me to announce, after three years, that she is going to be in Houston the very next day and will spend three days with me. "Tomorrow? Tomorrow?! Oh my god, I have to do laundry, vacuum, tidy up the apartment...not to mention shaving, waxing, plucking!"

It wasn't always like this was it? There was a time when we felt pure joy at these events, untainted by the miles-to-go-before-I-sleep tension. This is what decides the boundary between childhood and maturity, not age.

Before I get all the holier-than-thou comments on 'enjoy the moment' , 'live in the now', I want to clarify that I am not saying that this is a bad thing. With adulthood comes responsibility and with responsibility comes tension and this is how normal, non-Himalayan humans function. Osho ashram folks are calm and peaceful because they have nothing to do except sing songs, and meditate. In the real world, the world of Karma & Coffee, it's okay to frown.

If I was 6 and knew I had to clean up after my party, maybe I wouldn't spill so much. If my parents were filthy rich and I had a 24/7 array of maids, cooks, drivers, beauticians, cleaner-uppers, maybe I'd feel only happiness at my friends' impending arrivals. Its the state-of-moderation that we struggle to be in. Not toooo much fretting, not tooooo much enthusiasm.

Who says adults don't feel happiness? I do not agree with books that proclaim we need to go back to our childhood innocence, unlearn the lessons we learnt and experience true elation. Blah! As an adult, I have felt happiness for things I wouldn't notice as a child. If a car slows down to let me switch lanes, I am thrilled. I still want gold stars and smiley faces from my boss. Fresh hot coffee in the pot makes me smile. Reaching the light as it turns green, finding a parking spot on a busy day, don't tell me that doesn't make you jump a little inside.

A confession: I started this blog with the exact opposite intention. Of telling you to 'live in the now' and 'enjoy the moment' :) But, I changed my mind midway. There is too much pressure to live in the moment anyway. Nobody tells yu how much trouble you fall in, when you live in the big 'now' too much.