My sister-in-law's sister is getting married soon. So she has to go to Sugarland, to her parents home, very often lately to help with the wedding arrangements. But, they're not as close as one would imagine inspite of living in the same city, inspite of the age difference just a couple years. Not really sibling rivalrly, just a basic 'unclickedness'. Anyway, this reduces their contact to just a couple phonecalls a month, and meeting at common parties. So, of course, meeting a little too often lately is not the best way my s-i-l wants to spend her weekends.
There's disagreements, there's arguements, there's mainly the 'putting-down'ness. I want to point out how different this is from me and my sister--there's fights, there's screaming, there's the slamming of doors.
So, an entire week of my s-i-l is ruined because of a random comment. And she wonders if she should be honest and 'talk it out'. I wonder too, if it would help.
See, formal relationships are not based on honesty. That is why they're formal. That is why it's 'nice to meet you'. And that is why they're not so often.
I have cousins and cousins-in-law that annoy the (bad word) out of me. All my energy goes in breathing in and out deeply so I don't lose my temper or get into a heated debate. Because, it is 'nice to meet' them. Because, we greet each other with a loose hug, cheek-to-cheek, kiss in the air. 'Wow. You look so nice today'.
On the other hand, I have cousins and cousins-in-law that annoy the (bad word) out of me. And we yell, and scream, and cry and slam doors. Because, I don't need a reason to drop in ever. Because, we greet with a nice tight hug, and comment on how fat the other one has gotten. I can tell them the yellow dress is ugly.
Formal relationships are not based on honesty. And honest relationships are not based on formality. There's an inherent closeness that comes, an added level of comfort, from being able to be truthful with one another.
I have a quiet, always well-dressed, graceful family and I am grateful for it. And I have a loud, dysfunctional family that I couldn't go one day without.
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2 comments:
I like that! But interestingly, I dont even fight anymore with the people Im closest to. Darn, look what happens to you once you leave home!!!
fighting is a good way to get 'it' out of your system. but if yu dont suffer from 'it' then yu dont need to vent. so if yu can be close to people sans loud arguments, it's semi-nirvana!
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