Monday, December 10, 2007

The Art of Loving for Dummies

B.Com, B.A, B.Tech, M.S, MBA.....is the sad demise of a simple, clean, totally uncomplicated relationship. The more we've learnt and become 'globally aware' and 'career-oriented' suddenly there's new jargon to our lovelifes. There's commitment and no-commitment, there's ready and not-ready, there's like-but-no-love, there's mutually-exclusive and there's open, there's the famous soft-spot, and of course, the 'ex'-cess...because we're so complex, and educated. Because we know exactly what we want, and in the case of women (I tend to stereotype), we know exactly what we don't want.

And then, the final straw is the huge surge of expectation. We want our mates to be like God. Our best friend, our father, our brother, our everything. I want to be smug at my friends sleepovers and say 'My boyfriend is my best friend in the whole world' and they all must sigh and wish it was like that with them. I want to tell them how we started out as just-friends, then stepped up to good-friends and now we're best-friends and the best-lovers ever. And I want to tell my girlfriends how I share an absolutely fantastic platonic relationship with my ex-bf and we often meet for coffee and call each other every night to check each others pulses. So now, we want our mates to also, if need should arise, be a good ex-mate!

I am merging relationships and peoples and personalities. I want my boyfriend to be my best friend and I want my ex-lover to be my gay platonic best friend and I want my best friend to turn into my boyfriend and beyond that, I am still not ready for 'commitment' and 'marriage'. I want to start with open then go to exclusive but not committed, then go to committed and then if I am ready, probably think about the future. Reminds me of Karate class where each belt has three degrees and then you graduate on to the next color. Different levels for each degree, different responsibilities, different moves, different opponents.

These are the lengths we go to, these are the rules we learn, to protect ourselves from getting hurt, to get the much-needed nod from waitresses, friends, saleswomen, strangers. Yet, the only people that benefit from this little video game, are sitcom writers and the actors. And shrinks.

19 comments:

Binoy said...

I have been in this don't care mode for what seems like eternity, to protect myself from any kinda hurt.

You're right about the shrinks, my friend has pretty interesting stories to say about his patients.

drparikh said...

I don't understand about the don't-care mode. In my opinion, the different checkpoints are to make it like a step-wise slooooow procedure because if you fall headfirst all the way in, 'dil toot jaayege' :) so, the little toe is put in the water to check the temperature, then a little more, little more...before finally diving in..or not!!

Binoy said...

Yeah I agree, sounds foolproof. I'm just in the "enjoying the single again" phase and lazy to tax my tiny brains :)
But, but I were to ever, I would do it just the way you mentioned. Right now checking out the water vagaire is too much for a poor sap like me, hehe. Interesting post though, all of us have our own set of convoluted fundas, no?

drparikh said...

Ya but the problem is these 'convoluted fundas' are close to becoming a standard, a norm. It's getting more and more difficult to the point where dropdown boxes have one more option besides 'Single', 'Married', 'Commited'...'It's complicated'

Binoy said...

I don't quite agree with that. This situation, I feel, always existed. It's just that everything has become more open now, with the media, the open culture and the changes happening in our side of the world. What's a norm to you, to me, perhaps some others doesn't still reflect what society wants to accept as a norm.

My take on it is at quarter life stage, I am discovering more transitions (mentally) which could only grow more complicated or settle down eventually.

drparikh said...

I think it's exaggerated by media. The silly first-date hug, second-date kiss, third-date sex rules, the ritual of saying 'i love you' and affirming 'we're now exclusive'; it's all become a painful procedure.

He didn't get me flowers for my birthday....is that a sign?

Binoy said...

:)
Am I supposed to answer that?

First part, totally agree. Amen to that!

drparikh said...

No, it was a hypothetical..

:) Thanks for 'amen'ing me, I love being agreed to!

Binoy said...

For a change we agree on something :)

Thank goodness you confirmed, I was gonna answer that ;)

drparikh said...

Ok, ANSWER IT! Now I wanna know.

Binoy said...

It's always a sign.

drparikh said...

:(

Binoy said...

... that man was made for greater cause.
This is more like chatting yaar :)

drparikh said...

I know, I was gonna say that the last time we posted comments that it's like scrapping. But you know what, it's my blog I can do what I want ;)

Binoy said...

That be true. Hopefully your next post, either I wouldn't wonder or agree sooner. :)
For the records, I am out of my kinky mood, I had no answer in mind, just messing.

drparikh said...

What?! But I already dumped him!!!

Binoy said...

See this is the problem with smarty pant(s), either we've each taken off on totally different tangents or then you're messing with me now.

drparikh said...

Or both.

Binoy said...

:) I'll wait for your next post.