"I hate beggars! They do no work, they're perfectly healthy and they're begging. They can easily work in peoples houses cleaning and doing the dishes. They can easily get a job at a phone booth." I could think of more job options for them, than I can for myself with a Masters degree!
If I saw someone at my car window with even a bangle on her wrist begging, I would justify my not giving her money because at one point she chose to buy jewellery over food. I know, bitchy me doesn't have that many friends :)
Even being a teenager was no excuse for my arrogance. I still stand by my statement of healthy people not begging, though--just in a nicer tone.
During my study break for engineering exams, I'd study at home all day and sleep in the afternoon; this was the peak time for saleswomen to ring my doorbell trying to sell me mangos, soaps, even thicker-than-my-pillow sanitary napkins. Annoying would be an understatement. I'd walk to the door like Sanjay Dutt in Mission Kashmir going to intimidate the terrorist in the cell.
Day 1: It started with a simple "Nahi chahiye." Close door.
Day 4: "Time nahi hai." Close door.
Day 7: "Busy hai, disturb mat karo." Slam!
And gradually, "Get lost." Slam!
My mother heard me on this particular day and didn't say anything for a while. Then she asked "Wasn't that a little too harsh?" And I got into this huge rambling about how inconsiderate they were and how they were educated and spoke in good English and chose to do this for a living when there was so much else. "But they're working right? You hate beggars because they don't do anything. Salespeople are not beggars." Dead on!
"Nahi nahi, nahi chahiye." Smile. Close door.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Gray hair vs. Gray matter
I went to get my hair cut today at Tony & Guy 30 minutes before my appointment. But, the wait was far from boring. An old lady, about 70-80ish, had walked in about 15 min before me, and since the transparent glass doors were half closed, she hit her nose on one of them just like in those windex or whatever window cleaner ads.
Welcome to America, the cops were called. The old lady's nose was red/swollen and she sat there trying to tell the cops what happened, while I sat beside her. They took her story and tried to ask her if she had anybody she wanted to call. She lived all alone in an apartment a few blocks down and she had taken a cab to get to the mall. She got a little cranky as she said she was going to move next week and it was so sad this had to happen this particular week. Understandable, I think she wanted some sympathy.
But, when the cops took the salons' story, they lied that the door was not half-closed. And the old lady got extremely angry! Luckily, for her, another customer backed her story, and so the salon gave in. By now, it was a huge deal. She scolded the pretty girls behind the counter and said 'I was calm until this moment but when you lied, I am so angry now I am going to sue this place.' Again, everbody got down to calming this lady. Asking if she had relatives, kids, anyone. She had a caretaker that came once every two weeks to help her with grocery shopping, other than that this lady was pretty independent. She was even a little indignated when they kept asking her these questions, "Why are you asking me personal questions. I can take care of myself. I am pretty healthy."
So, now the cop tried to get her an ambulance. But, our protagonist claimed she couldn't afford it. She wanted the salon to pay for it. And, I gotta say, me in that situation, I would have just nodded and done what the cops said. Unlike her--she was firm. Everytime they asked to call an ambulance or a doctor, "That will be $ 600-700, I couldn't pay that. They will make me wait in the emergency room for hours before they help me..."
I couldn't help but slightly admire how sharp she was even at this age. She was really taking good care of herself and not getting pushed around or cheated.
Then, she asked to borrow a pen from me and said, "I'm going to take down the names in case I forget later." And now this just blew me away, I was thinking 'She's any lawyers dream-client' until she writes down carefully on the piece of paper--Tony & Guy.
I don't know if anybody else gets the irony in this story, but it sure did make me smile :)
Welcome to America, the cops were called. The old lady's nose was red/swollen and she sat there trying to tell the cops what happened, while I sat beside her. They took her story and tried to ask her if she had anybody she wanted to call. She lived all alone in an apartment a few blocks down and she had taken a cab to get to the mall. She got a little cranky as she said she was going to move next week and it was so sad this had to happen this particular week. Understandable, I think she wanted some sympathy.
But, when the cops took the salons' story, they lied that the door was not half-closed. And the old lady got extremely angry! Luckily, for her, another customer backed her story, and so the salon gave in. By now, it was a huge deal. She scolded the pretty girls behind the counter and said 'I was calm until this moment but when you lied, I am so angry now I am going to sue this place.' Again, everbody got down to calming this lady. Asking if she had relatives, kids, anyone. She had a caretaker that came once every two weeks to help her with grocery shopping, other than that this lady was pretty independent. She was even a little indignated when they kept asking her these questions, "Why are you asking me personal questions. I can take care of myself. I am pretty healthy."
So, now the cop tried to get her an ambulance. But, our protagonist claimed she couldn't afford it. She wanted the salon to pay for it. And, I gotta say, me in that situation, I would have just nodded and done what the cops said. Unlike her--she was firm. Everytime they asked to call an ambulance or a doctor, "That will be $ 600-700, I couldn't pay that. They will make me wait in the emergency room for hours before they help me..."
I couldn't help but slightly admire how sharp she was even at this age. She was really taking good care of herself and not getting pushed around or cheated.
Then, she asked to borrow a pen from me and said, "I'm going to take down the names in case I forget later." And now this just blew me away, I was thinking 'She's any lawyers dream-client' until she writes down carefully on the piece of paper--Tony & Guy.
I don't know if anybody else gets the irony in this story, but it sure did make me smile :)
Thursday, August 16, 2007
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
If you had met me some 8-10 years ago, I would have told you my dream of making it big. "I will sit in my air conditioned office and scream 'Ramu!! Chai laa!'. I'll have a secretary, and as soon as I enter the office everyone will get up like in a Hindi movie and wish me Good Morning."
I was always in fascination of those teachers we had who would enter the classroom and everyone would just shut up. In fact, when I played 'Teacher, Teacher' with my friends, we would all decide the temperament of the teachers: strict, medium and mild. And I would be the strict teacher. Hooray for power.
I interned for TTML (look it up!) for my undergrad and I called to thank the person that had arranged this for me. He was one of the members of the board of directors for Tata Industries, and that is as huge as huge gets. (He lives on one of the topmost floors of a high rise in Nariman Point, if that makes any difference in conveying how high up the professional and financial ladder he is.) I was respectful of his post, and I was courteously thanking him. This was toward the end of my final semester, and probably my voice sounded overwhelmed with the amount of work I had left to do to not flunk my courses.
This great, great man later got in touch with my mother and asked her if I was okay, and if everything was okay at TTML and why I sounded so tense. I still remember I got chills when my mother told me that. ME?!! He asked about me?! He was actually listening to what I was saying? This busy, busy man, took the time to show concern for an intern who wasn't even on the payroll.
Whenever I see this man, I will shut up. Whenever I see him, I will get him chai and I will stand up. I will say Good Morning. The only difference is that I will want to, I would love to and he won't even have to ask. I don't think he has ever had the need to ask.
I was always in fascination of those teachers we had who would enter the classroom and everyone would just shut up. In fact, when I played 'Teacher, Teacher' with my friends, we would all decide the temperament of the teachers: strict, medium and mild. And I would be the strict teacher. Hooray for power.
I interned for TTML (look it up!) for my undergrad and I called to thank the person that had arranged this for me. He was one of the members of the board of directors for Tata Industries, and that is as huge as huge gets. (He lives on one of the topmost floors of a high rise in Nariman Point, if that makes any difference in conveying how high up the professional and financial ladder he is.) I was respectful of his post, and I was courteously thanking him. This was toward the end of my final semester, and probably my voice sounded overwhelmed with the amount of work I had left to do to not flunk my courses.
This great, great man later got in touch with my mother and asked her if I was okay, and if everything was okay at TTML and why I sounded so tense. I still remember I got chills when my mother told me that. ME?!! He asked about me?! He was actually listening to what I was saying? This busy, busy man, took the time to show concern for an intern who wasn't even on the payroll.
Whenever I see this man, I will shut up. Whenever I see him, I will get him chai and I will stand up. I will say Good Morning. The only difference is that I will want to, I would love to and he won't even have to ask. I don't think he has ever had the need to ask.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Let us out!!
Some time back, I was in a car with someone who is now a very very good friend of mine. I met him at the company I was interning for and he was from one of their vendor firms. He had to answer a phonecall and he happened to say 'Oh, I was just with a friend blahblah'. So I looked at him and shook my head, 'We're not friends.' He was wise enough to laugh and tell the person on the other end, 'Okay, I'm sorry. I'm with...' I wasn't a collegue. I wasn't friend. What was I? '...this person'.
I owe this man for teaching me something so important :
There are these tags that go with the items we try to box like 'Friend' or 'Family' or 'Spouse' and so on. The most common mistake is trying to push people into boxes they don't necessarily fit in. So, we thrust them into a carton they don't want to be in, and force them to conform to that shape.
I have so many relationships I choose not to label. I have learnt to 'let things be'. A person I've just only met, cannot be a 'friend' can he? But, I feel such a strong connection to him. But, we don't want to date. So, he's not even a 'boyfriend'. A girl who I really admire, meet at parties but don't socially interact with so much. I just respect her personality. We smile at each other. Who is she to me? She's not a friend, she's not even so much as an acquaintance.
So, then? Let-it-be. It's okay. I'm not answerable to anybody regarding my relationship with them.
This is not to say that clarity is bad. I also like filling my boxes and being certain. But, if I'm not sure where someone goes, it's okay. They can get their very own unlabelled box :)
And as a result I have these people walking outside their boxes, outside of limitation and I absolutely love them for it. Part of what makes my life easy, and in a strange way complicated at the same time.
If there is one thing you can do for your loved ones, is to unlock their cases and let them get a breath of fresh air. No need to limit your relationship to just 'friendship' or just 'collegue'. The reason is, that every box has rules. And if you're in 'A' you have no right to ask me what size bra I wear. If you're in 'B' you cannot hug me. But, you're out now. Let's play ball. Let's have a drink together. It's looking at them like an individual. At their qualities, and at their unique traits and celebrating them.
Please, I'm not pushing for people to give up their boundaries altogether, boundaries are important, let's keep STDs to a minimum ;)
I'm only urging you to look at every person differently and treat them according to their unique rapport with you whatever that is. Dynamic rules.
I owe this man for teaching me something so important :
There are these tags that go with the items we try to box like 'Friend' or 'Family' or 'Spouse' and so on. The most common mistake is trying to push people into boxes they don't necessarily fit in. So, we thrust them into a carton they don't want to be in, and force them to conform to that shape.
I have so many relationships I choose not to label. I have learnt to 'let things be'. A person I've just only met, cannot be a 'friend' can he? But, I feel such a strong connection to him. But, we don't want to date. So, he's not even a 'boyfriend'. A girl who I really admire, meet at parties but don't socially interact with so much. I just respect her personality. We smile at each other. Who is she to me? She's not a friend, she's not even so much as an acquaintance.
So, then? Let-it-be. It's okay. I'm not answerable to anybody regarding my relationship with them.
This is not to say that clarity is bad. I also like filling my boxes and being certain. But, if I'm not sure where someone goes, it's okay. They can get their very own unlabelled box :)
And as a result I have these people walking outside their boxes, outside of limitation and I absolutely love them for it. Part of what makes my life easy, and in a strange way complicated at the same time.
If there is one thing you can do for your loved ones, is to unlock their cases and let them get a breath of fresh air. No need to limit your relationship to just 'friendship' or just 'collegue'. The reason is, that every box has rules. And if you're in 'A' you have no right to ask me what size bra I wear. If you're in 'B' you cannot hug me. But, you're out now. Let's play ball. Let's have a drink together. It's looking at them like an individual. At their qualities, and at their unique traits and celebrating them.
Please, I'm not pushing for people to give up their boundaries altogether, boundaries are important, let's keep STDs to a minimum ;)
I'm only urging you to look at every person differently and treat them according to their unique rapport with you whatever that is. Dynamic rules.
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