Oops! My Bad.

'Sorry' just doesn't cut it anymore. It's more a selfish word than anything; apologizing makes me feel better, especially if it is accepted graciously.

I was having a very bad day sometime last month. I got locked out of my apartment on a weekend, so it took forever to get maintenance to help, and another eternal 30 minutes to convince them to let me break in through the patio door--'It's not illegal to burgle my own place.' Within 4 more hours, I managed to lose my hubcap. The next couple hours after that, my guardian angel was probably busier than Mr. Bush--I almost hit countless cars and people. I was backing out of parking later that night to hang out with some friends, when I scared some young girls who thought I was carelessly gonna run them over. They started to get angry and began venting to each other and I could have shrugged and left. But, I rolled down my window and apologized. "Ohh, no it's ok!! Don't worry about it." Ahh! So much better. That's what I needed. A screwed up form of validation. I had a great time at the party.

It's a good concept in theory, owning up to your mistake(s). But, it's a little more than that. There has to be public acknowledgment. A quiet, internal understanding of your sins is not enough. There was a difficulty associated with the word, several decades ago. Admitting your fault used to be a stab to the ego; when my grad school advisor told me in front of company, "I'm so glad you proved me wrong! Good job." he totally refuted that idea, and had my firm respect.

Examples from experience, self-help books, Gurus, parents, have messed up my 'Sorry'. That word is for me, not for you. I am awesome, I am secure enough with myself to use it openly and mean it. Even if it is not accepted, a big burden is lifted. I said it, I meant it, take it or leave it. Ego unscathed, we throw out sorrys at funerals, forgotten birthdays, break-ups, divorces, party spills so freely. Do we need another word? Or should we raise the price on this one?

It started out so simple when I was 6. 'Sorry is a magic word.'. "Beta, say sorry to that nice auntie." "Aww, kaai nai, dikra...", warm hug and if I was lucky, Cadbury's Dairy Milk. Briefly, during adolescence, there was some weight to the tag: "Why should I call first? His fault, let him.". Then, 'The 7 Good Habits' happened. A little bit of vodka induced, "Who cares whose fault, who cares who's sorry, we're all gonna die anyway!!"

If you plead guilty, there's a lesser sentence. Confess, and all will be forgiven. Be the bigger person. Cronje and Clinton and public sympathy. Germany. Court-ordered apology. 'There is no excuse for my behavior' enters the Book of Cliches for 2003.

And the poor, poor victim with the onus of 'Forgiveness is a virtue.' has been pushed into the backseat because it's no longer about him! It's about the cute little culprit that decided to change his game. Three Hail Mary's and the Rosary must suffice even God.