So, I need some advice. I need to know the correct facial expression and the correct thing(s) to say in the following situations--
1. Moms in grocery stores, malls, trains, restaurants with their 1/2 yr olds: As soon as you pass by to pick up a can of peas, there's a sudden surge of proactive parenting.
"Put that down, Cathy." The mother sees you coming closer.
The child is fidgety and curious, "What is it?"
"That's garbanzo beans."
"Garpachooo..."
"No...baby, gar-ban-zo, you remember we made that last Tuesday?" Then the mom will look at you. This is the key moment, where I mostly just smile. But, I'm pretty sure a compliment is needed. I need to know desperately what that compliment is! Anyway, I just take my peas and walk away as the mom continues explaining within my earshot.
Now, let me make an allegation here. If not for my presence, I think 8 out of 10 times, gar-ban-zo would be replaced by a firm "C'mon let's go. Put that down."
Please, please, I'm not judging. In fact, I wonder if I'll be this type of a mother, looking for strangers' approvals regarding how I treat my kids. Anyhow, right now, I am the stranger and I need to know the corresponding etiquette.
2. Friends reactions to mom's babies: This is close to the previous one. Say I'm with a bunch of my gal friends and we're shopping, suddenly there's cooing and wooing, "Awwwwwwwww!!!! So cute!!!" And then, before I know it, all my friends say nice things and circle around the baby, try to ask the name, and the poor tot scared hides behind his mother shyly answering so softly that the mother has to repeat the name louder for our benefit. Meanwhile, I'm two steps behind the crowd, clearly the bitch in the group. And there's an instance, when after all the compliments from all my friends are collected, the mother looks at me her eyes saying, 'Your turn!'. Another just-smile moment where I need to know the rules.
3. Going out with a couple: There's two subsections here. First, when they're 'loveying'. Most of the times, you'll notice that one of them is especially mushy and needy. They'll keep touching their mate or hugging or mock-whining. "I'm coooold." So, I don't know what to do when they're being like that. Am I supposed to look at them? Should I look away? It's even worse when the girl will hug the boy tight and ask me, "Awwww isn't he cute?!" Do I have to answer that?
Second is when they're fighting. And this is weird, because I'm what some 24 years old, so most of my friends don't really have hardcore issues. It's petty stuff like "Did you eat lunch today?" that can wait until after I leave.
Now, these individuals I do judge. Because, it does not not have to be like this. I have coupled friends who I love going out with because it's normal and I don't feel out of place in their conversations or interactions. I believe the insecure partners looking for my approval of their 'true love' act all overly couply in my presence. And quite frankly, it's just plain rude, kinda like being on the phone too long when you have company. My honest reaction to these moments is just boredom/annoyance, but that would be inappropriate especially since, most of the time, the guy pays for all of us ;)
4. When I'm asked to sing: After a lot of 'galaa kharaab hai' excuses, when the audience is finally set to listen, and the song is picked, I have no idea where to look while I'm singing. Do I look at one person, or the wall, or...the ceiling? Do I smile? Do I look sad?
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There's several more of these question-mark incidents that occur so frequently and I never really know how to be, what to say. So, if you don't have any suggestions for me either, I don't blame ya! :)
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15 comments:
I dont have any, but the post is funny. I dont sing, because my friends dont expect me to. The 'lovey'ing is something i dont understand too. I am not a baby person either , I slink away when i see anything that needs support being moved around. and right now i am thinking i must cook garbanzo beans sometime soon.
No, it's not that I'm not a baby person--most kids love me (when I want them to) but...uh, I don't think all babies are cute!
Ya, I'm a good singer, but I've been accused of having no depth probably cuz of my where-to-look problem.
Mmmm, I love chickpeas. Try it just warm with salt, red chillis, and lemon if you don't have time to cook.
Most of the points were plain - 'just-for-the-sake-of-complaining' stories. :)
BUT, the 'couply' thing - you got that one right. Annoying / Disgusting / Looking away - no clue..really no clue. AND one of my friends (I actually told her what I think) blames me for feeling uncomfortable when her hubby is almost ready to have an "O" right in front of me. I get blamed because I am not a 'couple' yet.
I won't be that way, I know that for sure. ;) Yay for being single and knowing what it is on this side of the fence. :))
YES!!!! I know what you mean, they think we're jealous of their paired life. There's no way to fix this, I guess.
The other stuff, I can see that you don't relate to it, because most people don't. But it happens to me a lot and I have this thing where I need all moms to like me. Just trying to be charming...
Social etiquette is tricky. Almost as a rule, there's never any 'right' thing to say - only flavors of wrong, varying from 'casually ignorable' to 'blatantly embarrassing'... Heh.
Nevertheless, it takes tons of practice and maybe, just maybe, you get a little better at it after a while.
Being around kids always makes me nervous - maybe it's 'cause i don't have any of my own. A lot of people I know share the same opinion, and it's probably just a matter of time and careful observation before that's set right. Till then, I suppose saying something silly is a lot better than nothing at all, because all that is okay when a kid is involved!
You said it... The mushiness with couples is downright irritating! I appear to be busy concentrating on my plate in situations like that, and I don't really care what they think.
And oh... When you sing, close your eyes, and pretend to be concentrating on getting the raaga right (with the subtle frown and eyebrow twitch- Hehe... Just like professionals!)
Adorable blog. I've had a really good time reading.
Cheers,
Sandeep
Thank you for reading, and thank you for your comment. Ooooh, compliments :)
The kid is not the issue. I think I'm pretty good with kids, they don't expect anything. They don't care whether or not you smile/make chitchat. It's the pressure of performing an 'I-love-kids-I-have-a-golden-heart' act before the surrounding adults that stumps me..
Thanks for the singing tip, but knowing me, I'd keep peeking ;)
And because almost everyone agrees with me on the coupling issue, I'm gonna try to be honest with the next touchy-feely duo that embarrasses me. Let's see how that goes...
Thankfully none of the 'uncles' and 'aunties' know that I can sing a bit, friends do. If I get aware of my surroundings then I'm screwed. So what I try and do is to concentrate, kinda enjoy the variations in the song, end of it I don't realize where I had been looking (but definitely not at someone/s).
The Mom kid thing I would end up giving this fake smile which gets pretty evident and then there's a lot of face saving to be done.
I run into a similar problem a lotta times when some American colleague/friends cracks a joke (apparently) but I don't for the life of me find it funny but since its a joke (by definition) and a nice person I have to smile, again fake and again evident and face saving and all that jazz. Process repeat everytime. Even worse is that if someone does crack a good one, I'm in splits and if the original nice guy happens to be around, I don't think he is ever gonna talk to me again.
Well, see men don't have the first two problems that much. It's mostly girls that are expected to have maternal instinct handy all the time!
And the joke thing, I seriously don't think you're expected to laugh the same amount for all jokes. Better to laugh less, than laugh a lot at a poor joke and be thought of as a moron ;)
I would think so but that philosophy doesn't seem to apply in US man. I see a kid with his mom in the gym and there is a comment made to the kid and then you can sense the expectancy in the mom's face towards. Atleast here I don't think its so much as maternal as an American thingie. About the joke, there is a difference between laughing less and putting on that fake smile which becomes glaringly evident.
I still think the joke is the joker's burden not yours. Unless you feel embarrassed bout being ignorant about some subject. I wouldn't worry too much about that. I get the fake smile thing--life is full of those!
Even though life is full of those, I haven't yet perfected that art. I don't seem close to achieving it in the next 25 years either.
(you can see that I am on my afternoon stroll now, maybe I should tell my manager the benefits of letting Puneites take a short nap to increase productivity)
I'm from Mumbai; I visited Pune last year and was realy shocked when everything was closed in the afternoon for lunch (read: nap) time...so, I'm sorry I cant relate :)
yup that's us :)
u needn't be sorry. We welcome everyone within our fold.
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