A very very dear friend of mine called me on my birthday from India. And although I was pleasantly surprised, I wasn't shocked. I knew she'd wish me, I knew she'd remember. When I was to leave for America back in 2004, she came home to visit me a week or so prior; she cried, when she had to leave. I was so touched. Everytime I visit India, she travels all the 2 hours it takes to come meet me.
Another awesome friend I have has bent over backwards helping me in undergraduate school. She always made sure I had the right notes, that I had my assignments done, she wrote programs and printed out assignments for me, and what-not.
Do I do as much for them in return? Not even close. And, my first instinct is to use the cliched sentence 'I couldn't repay them even if I wanted to!' That is bullshit. I love these friends of mine like family. But, I am guilty of being stingy with my gratitude.
And here is the gist of the problem: I only give enough oil to run the motor.
I know exactly how much push is required to keep the wheel rolling and that's all that I do. The reason I do more for some friends and less for some friends has nothing to do with how much I love them. This is where the 'taking for granted' term comes in. In that, we're all subconsciously manipulative (for lack of a better word) albeit, to different degrees.
I have no opinion on this. Logically, yeah, now that I am aware, I'll definitely make more of an effort. But, on the whole, I'll always know what each friendship takes and supply at least the minimum.
Don't ever say 'I couldn't even if I wanted to'. That's a lie.
2 comments:
Being gratuitous needn't always be the best way to repay in a friendship. Of course, its always nice to have it once in a while, but too much of a good thing makes it cloying. Which is perhaps the reason why we tend to take them for granted as time passes by.
The fact that you get such generous displays of affection from your friends goes to show that you've been doing many things right all along. So yes, an occasional excess is subtly pleasant, but your friends value your company - no matter what.
Have a pleasant thanksgiving.
You're right, needy-grateful drives people away:)
I was trying to do a basic comparison between how much I do for one person vs another and how good my brain is at these calculations.
In my opinion, I'm an awesome friend to have ;) but, I'm also aware of how much more I'm capable of...the 'occasional excess' cannot be too occasional.
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