The Power of Negativity

I was at Kroger with my friend and we were rushing to get last minute things for a last minute party. We decided on a big chocolatey cake and I think she had a phone call or something to attend to while I rushed to one of the checkout aisles. There was a man ahead of me with what I thought was a cartful of things so I asked him urgently, 'Can I go before you?' Sounded reasonable to me, all I had was one cake. But, he replied almost immediately, 'No.' Lucky for me, turned out he had only two things to buy. And with the last item he looked at me and my cake cheekily and asked 'So why'd you want to go ahead of me?' I fumbled and mumbled something about getting late or thinking that he had tons of things to scan.

Later in the car, I told my friend how cool it was that he could say 'no' just like that! I know it could've turned into offensive or unchivalrous or something like that but, to me and her, it was so admirable.

It's so hard to say no, for me. [Not a good admission for a gal to make, is it?!]
If I could just sum up everything that's ever gone wrong in my life it would all come down to a gutless kid/teenager/adult that nodded a lot.

Anyway, that's my future therapist's problem. Let's come back to shallow waters because that's more doable for my mediocre writing skills: why is it such a big deal to refuse someone I don't like, asking me to do something I don't like?

Culture, politeness, etc.--but, isn't that illogical though? How much of an effect should these have? How about if I bow and refuse politely? It's the fear of 'looking bad' that overrides convenience. And so, I end up with a terrible haircut and leave the salon sans a fuss and cry in the privacy of my car.

In the other, slightly better case, there's the desperate attempt at a pathetic excuse.
'I would share my last piece of tiny chocolate with you, but my Mom said not to.'
'I already have a bf'
'I'm sorry my car broke down. Otherwise, I'd have driven 50 miles to the airport to pick you up and drop you back'

Maybe sometime in the future I might need a favor...I have a busload of kickass friends. Who would I rather ask?

Maybe I'm stashing Karma points. Yea yea, while boozing and backbiting bout those buggers.

Maybe I'm just too nice to turn down an opportunity to help another human being. Ha! I don't believe I can ever say that line with a straight face.

Maybe I want them to think I'm nice...yup. That's probably it. One drag and they won't think I'm such a prudie.
I hate them. But they can't hate me.

-----------------------

Personal milestone:

Several months ago, when I was still in Texas, a deep, manly voice called me on my landline to rattle on about how I must've seen the news about some cop(s) that died in service and funds were being gathered for his family. Would I like to donate 25$, 50$, or 100$?
"Oh," I replied sarcastically, "I get a choice?"
"Yes, ma'am. 25$, 50$, 100$"
"I can't give that much."
"Ok, we're going to put you in for 15$ then. Is that okay?"
....

"Um...I guess."

The next few days I kicked myself for donating to a charity I didn't want to. I know, I know, it's a good deed. But, still, principle of the thing. I thought about calling and reverting my pledge. For 15$? Nah, forget it. Won't look good.
I got a badge and some other paraphernalia (which ironically seemed worth almost 15$!) so I could brag about how I helped our uniformed guardians.

[Enter: My Kroger hero]

Two months later, the voice called again. Same script.
"But, I already paid for that."
"No, ma'am. It's some other cops that also died in the line of duty. It's for them. Would you like to donate 25$, 50$, or 100$?"
"I can't give that much."
"Ok, we're going to put you in for 15$ then. Is that okay?"
Wince. "No."
"How about just 10$? Any amount would be useful, ma'am."
Nausea. "No."


Do I hear an applause? :)