It's Your Turn to Roll the Dice.

Everyday survival for superficial people like me, depends on cute and complicated games--cute because they're meaningless, and complicated because nobody tells you the rules.

It started when I was a teenager. There were these imaginary guidelines. For example, phone calls: "He called last time, so I guess it's okay for me to call now." "I called three consecutive times already, I can't call again!" "Maybe....just maybe I can call because I'm worried. Like genuinely worried. I mean, he could have gotten into a car accident. Or maybe he's sick." and I would try to make myself believe that as best as I could and "I'll just call and ask if he's okay, 30 seconds tops. That's allowed."

Then there were the rules behind the code of silence. First one to speak after a fight, or a snub, loses. Glance quickly, is (s)he looking at me?, look away look away look away, be cool. But, wait! What if its their birthday? Is it okay to wish them? Is it still counted as 'talking'? Then I rewind to the incident and judge how bad the argument was and decide whether or not this person deserves a simple birthday wish.

Please don't roll your eyes at me, we all play these games (to different degrees). After my job interview, apparently sending out thank you notes the same day shows neediness, and too late shows lack of interest. Act like you don't need the job, I'm told.

This means that. That means this.

None of us, that live in active society, are past these riddles and twisters. Mind-games they're called, and that's exactly where they breed. The creative try to find loopholes, and the egotistical try to make new friends.

Our bodies go through the day normally; coffee, shower, breath mints, turn the knob, type the code, pay the bills. Meanwhile, our egos are elsewhere constantly making senseless sense of nonsense. "How dare she ignore me!" but pretend I don't care, pretend I didn't even notice. "Hadn't I gifted him a pen-holder for Christmas? Why don't I see it on his desk?" but pretend I don't care, pretend I didn't even notice.

So desperately we want to be thought perfectly of, and so desperately we all want to be unique.
"I'm gonna wear mismatched flip-flops. I'm cool enough to pull it off, it'll be something different." Fingers tightly crossed, hoping it's noticed, hoping it's admired. And ironically someone somewhere probably says to herself, "Hmmph. She thinks she's cool? It looks stupid." and pretend I don't care, pretend I didn't even notice.

And thus, going through the actions stone-faced, smiling politely when required, we feed the storm going on inside of us, gulp down enormous amounts of caffeine, and frown when left alone. Some of us read it away, some of us 'shrink' it off, the price of calm for just a few hours.

It's Monday. I wonder who I'll be today.