So, I was in midair for a long time deciding whether or not I wanted to do Phd or if I wanted to start hunting for jobs. After a lot of back and forth, I picked the latter. It was a scary thing to do, because now I AM in midair literally, and its probably the most adventurous thing I've ever done: stepping out of the comfort zone. Regardless, I gotta say, what a relief! Because, even if I was picking a temp life of uncertainty, in that I was certain.
It hit me today, while driving, how much it is in my very being, to postpone decisions. I was following the signs to get home and I realized that by default I aways pick the optional exit lane (white arrow, not the yellow), so I get until the last minute to change my mind. When I visit places, I overpack not so much because of paranoia but because I want the pleasure of the act of choosing what I am wearing. I take way longer than the average American for grocery-shopping: 'What brand of oats do I really want, and what flavor?'.
Men, movies, chips, clothes
Multiple choice, true/false... false is pronounced 'folse' just so it rhymes with clothes :)
So, too much caffeine-free analysis later (I remind you, I am jobless), this is where I stand: Love being certain, (but) hate making decisions. Dammit.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
..tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock....
Doctors know that time heals. Engineers know that time destroys.
Timing is so important in relationships. Close friendships have crumbled because one of us waited too long--to say hi, to say we're sorry, to say I need you.
A few recent incidents made me extremely aware of this concept. Minor mishaps that could be fixed, the route was extremely clear for both parties. But, we waited too long. We waited to run into each other at common events, we waited till geography worked in our favor, we waited till it was so convenient that it was harder to avoid.
"Oh hello! Long time, what are you doing here!!"
"Yes, I'm back. I wasn't gone too long was I? Now let's talk."
It doesn't work that way though. The time bomb just goes off and the bell rings and anything after that for some reason only makes things worse. Then, you can allow time to heal. But, time heals, time doesn't fix.
We're all human and we're all friends. And in friendship, so many lines are frequently crossed. The best thing about friendship is that the same rules that apply for other people do not apply to you. You're allowed special priveleges: you can wake me up at 4am and I won't kill you, you can tell me I cook bad, you can tell me my boobs are too small, and most especially, you will be forgiven for (almost) everything way too easily.
And yet, we use the Doctor viewpoint. We wait for Mr. Time to make things better so we don't have to use a high dose. Why don't I clean up the wound when its fresh? There is something that makes it so difficult for me to say the words 'Sorry. I was wrong.' and I think blaming the ego for yet another flaw is way too easy. It all comes down to choices. What is more important-this or that? And we chose 'that'.
Enter the good ol' Engineers.
'We know that':
Too much time = too much wear-and-tear,
also, Drift α Time.
We don't have our own tv show, we don't look sexy in our Fall Collection of Industrial Factory Wear, we get dark circles when we work nights, and we look out of place drinking fancy-colored cocktails. But, we fix things as soon as they break. Pick us.
Timing is so important in relationships. Close friendships have crumbled because one of us waited too long--to say hi, to say we're sorry, to say I need you.
A few recent incidents made me extremely aware of this concept. Minor mishaps that could be fixed, the route was extremely clear for both parties. But, we waited too long. We waited to run into each other at common events, we waited till geography worked in our favor, we waited till it was so convenient that it was harder to avoid.
"Oh hello! Long time, what are you doing here!!"
"Yes, I'm back. I wasn't gone too long was I? Now let's talk."
It doesn't work that way though. The time bomb just goes off and the bell rings and anything after that for some reason only makes things worse. Then, you can allow time to heal. But, time heals, time doesn't fix.
We're all human and we're all friends. And in friendship, so many lines are frequently crossed. The best thing about friendship is that the same rules that apply for other people do not apply to you. You're allowed special priveleges: you can wake me up at 4am and I won't kill you, you can tell me I cook bad, you can tell me my boobs are too small, and most especially, you will be forgiven for (almost) everything way too easily.
And yet, we use the Doctor viewpoint. We wait for Mr. Time to make things better so we don't have to use a high dose. Why don't I clean up the wound when its fresh? There is something that makes it so difficult for me to say the words 'Sorry. I was wrong.' and I think blaming the ego for yet another flaw is way too easy. It all comes down to choices. What is more important-this or that? And we chose 'that'.
Enter the good ol' Engineers.
'We know that':
Too much time = too much wear-and-tear,
also, Drift α Time.
We don't have our own tv show, we don't look sexy in our Fall Collection of Industrial Factory Wear, we get dark circles when we work nights, and we look out of place drinking fancy-colored cocktails. But, we fix things as soon as they break. Pick us.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Reporting Live...
You know how they say that media and news and movies represent the current state of the affairs, a reflection on society so to speak. I just found another brand new, untainted source yesterday: kids! When they're playing their games, kids are the truest representation of the adult life. And lately, with this new extra-smart, technologically-enhanced generation, their outlook on adult life is not just confined to what they see their parents doing, it also includes television shows, aunts and uncles, friends...
If you're observant enough, you will see how they spoof grownups in their own naive way. Several years ago, my little sister would try to be my mom and it was adorable to watch her tiny arms and legs multitask--phone, rubbing her daughter's legs, and browsing through a magazine at the same time.
And yesterday, I was hit by the latest in evolution. My nephew and niece were playing house, and they were mom-and-dad to a whole collection of teddy bears. One day, a parent had to stay home with the babies. And as Mom ran off, Dad protested, "But, I want to go to the party with you!" She angrily came back and told him "I will not play with you. Stay here and read them a book." She threw a book at him and ran off again to the other room to do better things. And Dad had to stay home and read to the kids.
So, what's the story where you are?
If you're observant enough, you will see how they spoof grownups in their own naive way. Several years ago, my little sister would try to be my mom and it was adorable to watch her tiny arms and legs multitask--phone, rubbing her daughter's legs, and browsing through a magazine at the same time.
And yesterday, I was hit by the latest in evolution. My nephew and niece were playing house, and they were mom-and-dad to a whole collection of teddy bears. One day, a parent had to stay home with the babies. And as Mom ran off, Dad protested, "But, I want to go to the party with you!" She angrily came back and told him "I will not play with you. Stay here and read them a book." She threw a book at him and ran off again to the other room to do better things. And Dad had to stay home and read to the kids.
So, what's the story where you are?
Friday, August 24, 2007
Work is Worship.
"I hate beggars! They do no work, they're perfectly healthy and they're begging. They can easily work in peoples houses cleaning and doing the dishes. They can easily get a job at a phone booth." I could think of more job options for them, than I can for myself with a Masters degree!
If I saw someone at my car window with even a bangle on her wrist begging, I would justify my not giving her money because at one point she chose to buy jewellery over food. I know, bitchy me doesn't have that many friends :)
Even being a teenager was no excuse for my arrogance. I still stand by my statement of healthy people not begging, though--just in a nicer tone.
During my study break for engineering exams, I'd study at home all day and sleep in the afternoon; this was the peak time for saleswomen to ring my doorbell trying to sell me mangos, soaps, even thicker-than-my-pillow sanitary napkins. Annoying would be an understatement. I'd walk to the door like Sanjay Dutt in Mission Kashmir going to intimidate the terrorist in the cell.
Day 1: It started with a simple "Nahi chahiye." Close door.
Day 4: "Time nahi hai." Close door.
Day 7: "Busy hai, disturb mat karo." Slam!
And gradually, "Get lost." Slam!
My mother heard me on this particular day and didn't say anything for a while. Then she asked "Wasn't that a little too harsh?" And I got into this huge rambling about how inconsiderate they were and how they were educated and spoke in good English and chose to do this for a living when there was so much else. "But they're working right? You hate beggars because they don't do anything. Salespeople are not beggars." Dead on!
"Nahi nahi, nahi chahiye." Smile. Close door.
If I saw someone at my car window with even a bangle on her wrist begging, I would justify my not giving her money because at one point she chose to buy jewellery over food. I know, bitchy me doesn't have that many friends :)
Even being a teenager was no excuse for my arrogance. I still stand by my statement of healthy people not begging, though--just in a nicer tone.
During my study break for engineering exams, I'd study at home all day and sleep in the afternoon; this was the peak time for saleswomen to ring my doorbell trying to sell me mangos, soaps, even thicker-than-my-pillow sanitary napkins. Annoying would be an understatement. I'd walk to the door like Sanjay Dutt in Mission Kashmir going to intimidate the terrorist in the cell.
Day 1: It started with a simple "Nahi chahiye." Close door.
Day 4: "Time nahi hai." Close door.
Day 7: "Busy hai, disturb mat karo." Slam!
And gradually, "Get lost." Slam!
My mother heard me on this particular day and didn't say anything for a while. Then she asked "Wasn't that a little too harsh?" And I got into this huge rambling about how inconsiderate they were and how they were educated and spoke in good English and chose to do this for a living when there was so much else. "But they're working right? You hate beggars because they don't do anything. Salespeople are not beggars." Dead on!
"Nahi nahi, nahi chahiye." Smile. Close door.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Gray hair vs. Gray matter
I went to get my hair cut today at Tony & Guy 30 minutes before my appointment. But, the wait was far from boring. An old lady, about 70-80ish, had walked in about 15 min before me, and since the transparent glass doors were half closed, she hit her nose on one of them just like in those windex or whatever window cleaner ads.
Welcome to America, the cops were called. The old lady's nose was red/swollen and she sat there trying to tell the cops what happened, while I sat beside her. They took her story and tried to ask her if she had anybody she wanted to call. She lived all alone in an apartment a few blocks down and she had taken a cab to get to the mall. She got a little cranky as she said she was going to move next week and it was so sad this had to happen this particular week. Understandable, I think she wanted some sympathy.
But, when the cops took the salons' story, they lied that the door was not half-closed. And the old lady got extremely angry! Luckily, for her, another customer backed her story, and so the salon gave in. By now, it was a huge deal. She scolded the pretty girls behind the counter and said 'I was calm until this moment but when you lied, I am so angry now I am going to sue this place.' Again, everbody got down to calming this lady. Asking if she had relatives, kids, anyone. She had a caretaker that came once every two weeks to help her with grocery shopping, other than that this lady was pretty independent. She was even a little indignated when they kept asking her these questions, "Why are you asking me personal questions. I can take care of myself. I am pretty healthy."
So, now the cop tried to get her an ambulance. But, our protagonist claimed she couldn't afford it. She wanted the salon to pay for it. And, I gotta say, me in that situation, I would have just nodded and done what the cops said. Unlike her--she was firm. Everytime they asked to call an ambulance or a doctor, "That will be $ 600-700, I couldn't pay that. They will make me wait in the emergency room for hours before they help me..."
I couldn't help but slightly admire how sharp she was even at this age. She was really taking good care of herself and not getting pushed around or cheated.
Then, she asked to borrow a pen from me and said, "I'm going to take down the names in case I forget later." And now this just blew me away, I was thinking 'She's any lawyers dream-client' until she writes down carefully on the piece of paper--Tony & Guy.
I don't know if anybody else gets the irony in this story, but it sure did make me smile :)
Welcome to America, the cops were called. The old lady's nose was red/swollen and she sat there trying to tell the cops what happened, while I sat beside her. They took her story and tried to ask her if she had anybody she wanted to call. She lived all alone in an apartment a few blocks down and she had taken a cab to get to the mall. She got a little cranky as she said she was going to move next week and it was so sad this had to happen this particular week. Understandable, I think she wanted some sympathy.
But, when the cops took the salons' story, they lied that the door was not half-closed. And the old lady got extremely angry! Luckily, for her, another customer backed her story, and so the salon gave in. By now, it was a huge deal. She scolded the pretty girls behind the counter and said 'I was calm until this moment but when you lied, I am so angry now I am going to sue this place.' Again, everbody got down to calming this lady. Asking if she had relatives, kids, anyone. She had a caretaker that came once every two weeks to help her with grocery shopping, other than that this lady was pretty independent. She was even a little indignated when they kept asking her these questions, "Why are you asking me personal questions. I can take care of myself. I am pretty healthy."
So, now the cop tried to get her an ambulance. But, our protagonist claimed she couldn't afford it. She wanted the salon to pay for it. And, I gotta say, me in that situation, I would have just nodded and done what the cops said. Unlike her--she was firm. Everytime they asked to call an ambulance or a doctor, "That will be $ 600-700, I couldn't pay that. They will make me wait in the emergency room for hours before they help me..."
I couldn't help but slightly admire how sharp she was even at this age. She was really taking good care of herself and not getting pushed around or cheated.
Then, she asked to borrow a pen from me and said, "I'm going to take down the names in case I forget later." And now this just blew me away, I was thinking 'She's any lawyers dream-client' until she writes down carefully on the piece of paper--Tony & Guy.
I don't know if anybody else gets the irony in this story, but it sure did make me smile :)
Thursday, August 16, 2007
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
If you had met me some 8-10 years ago, I would have told you my dream of making it big. "I will sit in my air conditioned office and scream 'Ramu!! Chai laa!'. I'll have a secretary, and as soon as I enter the office everyone will get up like in a Hindi movie and wish me Good Morning."
I was always in fascination of those teachers we had who would enter the classroom and everyone would just shut up. In fact, when I played 'Teacher, Teacher' with my friends, we would all decide the temperament of the teachers: strict, medium and mild. And I would be the strict teacher. Hooray for power.
I interned for TTML (look it up!) for my undergrad and I called to thank the person that had arranged this for me. He was one of the members of the board of directors for Tata Industries, and that is as huge as huge gets. (He lives on one of the topmost floors of a high rise in Nariman Point, if that makes any difference in conveying how high up the professional and financial ladder he is.) I was respectful of his post, and I was courteously thanking him. This was toward the end of my final semester, and probably my voice sounded overwhelmed with the amount of work I had left to do to not flunk my courses.
This great, great man later got in touch with my mother and asked her if I was okay, and if everything was okay at TTML and why I sounded so tense. I still remember I got chills when my mother told me that. ME?!! He asked about me?! He was actually listening to what I was saying? This busy, busy man, took the time to show concern for an intern who wasn't even on the payroll.
Whenever I see this man, I will shut up. Whenever I see him, I will get him chai and I will stand up. I will say Good Morning. The only difference is that I will want to, I would love to and he won't even have to ask. I don't think he has ever had the need to ask.
I was always in fascination of those teachers we had who would enter the classroom and everyone would just shut up. In fact, when I played 'Teacher, Teacher' with my friends, we would all decide the temperament of the teachers: strict, medium and mild. And I would be the strict teacher. Hooray for power.
I interned for TTML (look it up!) for my undergrad and I called to thank the person that had arranged this for me. He was one of the members of the board of directors for Tata Industries, and that is as huge as huge gets. (He lives on one of the topmost floors of a high rise in Nariman Point, if that makes any difference in conveying how high up the professional and financial ladder he is.) I was respectful of his post, and I was courteously thanking him. This was toward the end of my final semester, and probably my voice sounded overwhelmed with the amount of work I had left to do to not flunk my courses.
This great, great man later got in touch with my mother and asked her if I was okay, and if everything was okay at TTML and why I sounded so tense. I still remember I got chills when my mother told me that. ME?!! He asked about me?! He was actually listening to what I was saying? This busy, busy man, took the time to show concern for an intern who wasn't even on the payroll.
Whenever I see this man, I will shut up. Whenever I see him, I will get him chai and I will stand up. I will say Good Morning. The only difference is that I will want to, I would love to and he won't even have to ask. I don't think he has ever had the need to ask.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Let us out!!
Some time back, I was in a car with someone who is now a very very good friend of mine. I met him at the company I was interning for and he was from one of their vendor firms. He had to answer a phonecall and he happened to say 'Oh, I was just with a friend blahblah'. So I looked at him and shook my head, 'We're not friends.' He was wise enough to laugh and tell the person on the other end, 'Okay, I'm sorry. I'm with...' I wasn't a collegue. I wasn't friend. What was I? '...this person'.
I owe this man for teaching me something so important :
There are these tags that go with the items we try to box like 'Friend' or 'Family' or 'Spouse' and so on. The most common mistake is trying to push people into boxes they don't necessarily fit in. So, we thrust them into a carton they don't want to be in, and force them to conform to that shape.
I have so many relationships I choose not to label. I have learnt to 'let things be'. A person I've just only met, cannot be a 'friend' can he? But, I feel such a strong connection to him. But, we don't want to date. So, he's not even a 'boyfriend'. A girl who I really admire, meet at parties but don't socially interact with so much. I just respect her personality. We smile at each other. Who is she to me? She's not a friend, she's not even so much as an acquaintance.
So, then? Let-it-be. It's okay. I'm not answerable to anybody regarding my relationship with them.
This is not to say that clarity is bad. I also like filling my boxes and being certain. But, if I'm not sure where someone goes, it's okay. They can get their very own unlabelled box :)
And as a result I have these people walking outside their boxes, outside of limitation and I absolutely love them for it. Part of what makes my life easy, and in a strange way complicated at the same time.
If there is one thing you can do for your loved ones, is to unlock their cases and let them get a breath of fresh air. No need to limit your relationship to just 'friendship' or just 'collegue'. The reason is, that every box has rules. And if you're in 'A' you have no right to ask me what size bra I wear. If you're in 'B' you cannot hug me. But, you're out now. Let's play ball. Let's have a drink together. It's looking at them like an individual. At their qualities, and at their unique traits and celebrating them.
Please, I'm not pushing for people to give up their boundaries altogether, boundaries are important, let's keep STDs to a minimum ;)
I'm only urging you to look at every person differently and treat them according to their unique rapport with you whatever that is. Dynamic rules.
I owe this man for teaching me something so important :
There are these tags that go with the items we try to box like 'Friend' or 'Family' or 'Spouse' and so on. The most common mistake is trying to push people into boxes they don't necessarily fit in. So, we thrust them into a carton they don't want to be in, and force them to conform to that shape.
I have so many relationships I choose not to label. I have learnt to 'let things be'. A person I've just only met, cannot be a 'friend' can he? But, I feel such a strong connection to him. But, we don't want to date. So, he's not even a 'boyfriend'. A girl who I really admire, meet at parties but don't socially interact with so much. I just respect her personality. We smile at each other. Who is she to me? She's not a friend, she's not even so much as an acquaintance.
So, then? Let-it-be. It's okay. I'm not answerable to anybody regarding my relationship with them.
This is not to say that clarity is bad. I also like filling my boxes and being certain. But, if I'm not sure where someone goes, it's okay. They can get their very own unlabelled box :)
And as a result I have these people walking outside their boxes, outside of limitation and I absolutely love them for it. Part of what makes my life easy, and in a strange way complicated at the same time.
If there is one thing you can do for your loved ones, is to unlock their cases and let them get a breath of fresh air. No need to limit your relationship to just 'friendship' or just 'collegue'. The reason is, that every box has rules. And if you're in 'A' you have no right to ask me what size bra I wear. If you're in 'B' you cannot hug me. But, you're out now. Let's play ball. Let's have a drink together. It's looking at them like an individual. At their qualities, and at their unique traits and celebrating them.
Please, I'm not pushing for people to give up their boundaries altogether, boundaries are important, let's keep STDs to a minimum ;)
I'm only urging you to look at every person differently and treat them according to their unique rapport with you whatever that is. Dynamic rules.
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